I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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