I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
