right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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