And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Someone signed my nipple.
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