So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
