It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
