every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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