i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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