Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
should my penis look like a turkey
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
