where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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