apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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