Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
