Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
