I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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