im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
