If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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