Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
