Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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