it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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