The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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