I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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