I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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