The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize