watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
