She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
