Buhtt sex?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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