Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
