She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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