to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
