Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
