I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize