somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
