my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
