My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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