I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well I just put wine in my tea
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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