Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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