is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Randomize
