So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
