PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
