He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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