She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I supernannyed him into submission
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
