I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
