so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
