I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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