Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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