Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
