oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
