i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize