Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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