So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize