I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
