I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
