he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
