god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
