stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I lost the right to judge tonight
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
