went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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