i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
