There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
did i walk over a car last night?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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