She is in my trunk
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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