Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
foreskin is a definite game changer
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
