I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I sprained my soul last night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
