yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
