I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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