last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
