I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
