so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
