um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
