I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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