Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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