This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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