Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
