What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
